I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
