What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
