Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
