Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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