Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
