No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
