New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
