Can Purell be used as lube?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
