that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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