I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
