I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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