Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
