my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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