sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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