Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
