Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
