So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
