do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
