Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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