Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
