I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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