What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
