Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
