Whats the glycemic index on semen?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
