Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
