cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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