To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize