dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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