We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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