Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
