guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
