ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
