it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ttyl tear gas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
