If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
