tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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