If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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