Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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