you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
