This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There r osticjed everywhere
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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