okay pat passed out under dana's car
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
