when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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