The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
