Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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