me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
