a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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