he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
And then he peed in my hair
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