theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
