is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
