You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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