My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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