if you like me you must not know who I am
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
