Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.

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(916): View more from California

Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

(760): View more from California

You are my hero

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.

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(410): View more from Maryland

ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time

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(314): View more from Missouri

No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?

(1-314): View more from Missouri

You're the worst gay friend ever.

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(301): View more from Maryland

The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot

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(702): View more from Nevada

So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd

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