I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.