didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.