i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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