If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep