Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
