I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
