hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
