you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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