We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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