So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
