I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
