God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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