I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
