i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
