Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
