After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
